So creative writing, apparently it was 2 pages doublespaced. Hell. Well here's the revised revision. I'm really cutting it down you see. I also went back and altered the originals because the tabs didn't transfer over to lj and so it was just one massive scary text block. Now you can go read the two originals the way the were intended, with line breaks. ^^ and all feedback is, of course, appreciated.

( Phosphorescence (revised) )

Creative Writing time. Our assigment for this fiction quint was to write a person in a place with description. Easy enough, sadly it had to be two pages or less. And I go careening off towards three to four, so I had to cut a lot of description, and a character and stuff. So there's a school version and a non-school version. I'm not sure which I like better. They both could use some tightening and I'm still fighting over some word-choice elements. How much to I actually want to throw out into the arena, no? Well, I figure safe is the way to go so I'm cutting anything minorly suggestive (not that I could write anything close to an accurate romance with no experience anyhow). Opinions always appreciated, and it'd be nice to hear what parts I should keep, combine from the two, or discard.

( Phosphorescence )

( Bethany original )